Roles of the husband

to love their wives, to lead their wives, and to live with their wives

When a man leads their wife and family he must take the initiative and be engaged/involved. We actually talked about how it will be interesting with his profession how 'involved' he will actually get to be. Will this be an ongoing battle for his kids and wife to be tugging on him to spend more quality time with them or will this just have to be one of those things the family will need to accept and understand that he is busy saving lives? Having a family is just as important to my husband as it is to me. I know that this is something that he internally will struggle with. When reading other doctor's wives' blogs, a common theme is the doctor missing out on birthdays, sporting events, holidays, and get togethers. I know that this is something I will understand and eventually adjust to. But we worry about our future kids. How quickly will they understand why their dad misses their little league games? Eventually, just like every child, they will grow up and realize the sacrifices their parents made for their well-being and have more of an adult perspective looking back on their childhood.

And of course, not every doctor lives this way. Some work 8-5 Monday through Friday, some work 48 hours straight and 72 hours off, and some are just always on call. When these Student Doctors are deciding which specialty they want to go into, the life-style of each one plays a vital role for most.

Back to College?

Sometimes I wish I could retake some college classes. Weird, I know! At the time, I wish I was mature enough or had the time to have taken some of them more seriously and gain as much out of them as I could. Students are so pressured to just make the good grade and get out, instead of actually learning as much as they can. If there weren't any grades, I probably would have paid more attention. Strange how that works, huh?

I have been struggling a lot lately and wishing I completed my masters. It really is true when they say do it right out of college, because once you are out, you'll never go back. Watching my husband in school and studying as hard as he does, does NOT make me want to go back to studying. But at times, I wish I had furthered my education. Decisions, decisions...

Jealous

Some people want a normal life - an 8-5 job, house, 2 cars, a number of kids, live in the suburbs - or whatever you consider to be "normal." Some people dream big, always changing, and live spontaneously. I'll let you guess which one I am and which one my husband is. We balance each other out.

Before entering this journey of medical school, we discussed what it was going to be like. We tried to predict how hard it would be. One thing that we were right on was how we'd envy our friends who aren't in this journey. It's hard having life goals, plans, time lines, and so on that can't be met and watching other people achieve them. It's hard watching friends buy houses, have babies, new cars, nice vacations, and all things that we can't afford. It's hard to know that we have a very long road ahead of us before we will be there.

Sometimes we need to embrace the season of life that we're in. Embrace being poor, enjoy relying on nothing but each other, have faith. How can you have faith if you have everything?

On the average day, we don't consider God very much. On the average day, we forget that our life is truly vapor. But there is nothing normal about today. Just think about everything that must function properly just for you to survive. For example, your kidneys. The only people who really think about their kidneys are people whose kidneys don't work correctly. The majority of us take for granted our kidneys, liver, lungs, and other internal organs that we're dependent upon to continue living. ... It's crazy that we think today is just a normal day to do whatever we want with. - Francis Chan's Crazy Love

We have been blessed with this time to rely on God. Sometimes waiting patiently makes the gift that much better. And by gift, I mean the opportunity to buy our first home, car, new furniture, and so on.

So although, my life isn't according to my plan, I need to be better about embracing the season of life that we're in. Maybe some day I'll miss it? - a car that can break down at any time, no microwave, using quarters to do our laundry, and being conscious about every $20 we spend. Now granted, we are living below our means and living consciously, as we should. We are learning life lessons that we will use in the future (limited communication, living below our means, relying on God, and so on) and we don't even realize it. Whenever you ask doctors who were married in medical school, they always say their favorite time is when they were poor with their spouses. My parents, too, have told us that if you have to live on rice and beans to make your dreams come true, than do it - You only live once.

You have to give up the life you planned to find the life you have.  Or else, life will pass you by.

Some people just don't understand

Sometimes we are reminded how much people do not understand what StuDoc is going through and the sacrifices he makes. Friends and family will probably be adjusting for quite sometime. Some people think he's rude, a bad friend, or cheap. So here's an opportunity to clarify...

1. On MANY occasions I find out that when we go to bed he literally does not know what day it is. And then starts the guessing game and it still takes a while for him to guess right. I'm always shocked when this happens. This is my reminder of how stressed he really is.
2. He only has one free weekend in a whole month to visit with friends and his family, get things done, or have 24 hours straight of relaxation.
3. People will think he's rude for not responding quickly.
4. If he took the time to message, call, or visit with you - you're at the top of his list.
5. Don't be offended if I plan something on his behalf - he asked me to.
6. If we leave some place early, it's because he needs to go to bed so we can wake up around 4:30/5am to start studying.
7. When we decline an invitation, sometimes it's simply because we just didn't budget for it.
8. Sometimes he forgets that talking about digging out the intestines with a spoon on his cadaver is NOT dinner table topic. Again, don't be offended, just change the subject.
9. He's constantly changing his study habits (studying in a group, studying by himself, studying in the morning, studying at night). This is because he's constantly trying to improve. So if your trying to adapt to his schedule and trying to know when he's awake, it's pointless. One week he goes to bed at 10 and the next week he goes to bed at 3am and some weeks he takes naps during the day.
10. Some people think he fell off the face of the earth. I guess that's a good assumption for now.


It breaks my heart watching him go through all of these because I know how hard he works and the sacrifices he makes. Trust me, he'd rather be sitting on a couch with a beer watching football on a Saturday than at a cold lonely library. Encourage him. I think it's always important for him to be reminded of life outside of medical school. It keeps him grounded.

I am happy to say that all of his hard work and sacrifices payed off for CPM1! I am so proud!! :)

On his way to CPM2...

Studying in Public

As we sit in a coffee house now, StuDoc's studying and I'm making updates to our blog. A little girl is sitting behind us and I realize my hubby's studying the male reproductive system. After the little girl and her mommy leave, he tells me that he was trying to cover his computer so that she wasn't catching glimpses of his diagrams. That poor girl will probably be asking her mommy some questions when she gets home! Oops!

This also goes for our dinner conversations as well. It has now become the norm to talk about some 'interesting' medical topics while we are out to dinner. We should probably be more cautious as to who could be listening in and who might not find them that 'interesting.'

Still learning.

Blog Updates

For security reasons down the road, I made some updates to make our blog protective of our personal information.

Same blog, same lives, different title...

What would you do?

Today, my husband pointed out a doctor and said "he is a plastic surgeon that specializes in hands. once, he took someones big toe to replace their thumb." I said that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard. and we have been arguing about it ever since!! It's been a funny morning. Here are our reasons.

Her arguments:

1) when you would eat buffalo wings or ribs, you would be licking your big toe - gross!
2) it would look weird - your big toe is almost twice the size of your thumb (see picture)
3) you'd have to relearn how to walk/run and probably live with a limp.
4) why would i just switch my disability? if i lost my thumb, i'd live without a thumb. not take off my big toe and now have to relearn how to run/walk.
5) i personally think it would be easier to adjust to life without a thumb, than without a big toe. and yes, while we were eating at chipotle we tried picking things up without using our thumbs.
6) while sitting on the couch, i stick my feet in his face, to let him know this is what it would be like if my toe was a thumb and i touched your face. he didn't appreciate it very much. point made.
7) i wouldn't be able to wear cute heels! haha.

His arguments:

1) Ok, first all of those reasons are little cosmetic petty reasons. 

2) Your thumb is incredibly important.  Every little thing we do with our hands involves our thumb!!

3) Writing, eating, using tools, holding your baby!  You need your thumb

4) Yes, you would have to do some rehab on your balance but it could definitely be done.  

5) A lot of people are dependent on their hands for their livelihood so that would definitely be an instance where I dont think there is any debate.

He wouldn't let me take a picture of his toe/new thumb...

We have been laughing all morning about this, practicing not using our thumbs, and getting our friends involved for their opinion. We will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

So, we will leave you with this...

If you lost your thumb and the doctor suggested taking away your big toe and re-attaching as your thumb, would you agree to go through with the procedure?

***Here is an interview with a man who actually had the procedure done***