Roles of the wife

She supplies the missing pieces of her husband's puzzle. What the husband begins, the wife finishes and refines. Man provides the raw materials and the woman polishes them.

One illustration another wife in our group made was the husband builds the house for the family, but the woman goes in and makes it the home. Together they build it to provide and protect their family. One is not a home without the other.

Marriage is filled with lots of 'help' - as in we are constantly helping eachother. I bring him dinner while he's studying late at the library and he always helps me get things down in our closet that I can't reach. :) We are in this together and are partners through life. When I say that, I stop and think "what if I was married to someone who I didn't love or respect? What if I was asked to pick up the extra slack around the house for a stranger or someone who I didn't love? Man, it's a good thing I love him!" If I was married to someone who I didn't respect, I would be one bitter lady doing my share of the 'helping.' I can't imagine helping anyone else.

Created differently

We just recently finished a study in our small group. We did it over a study called Life 101 - Marriage Edition by Dr. Bob and Ann Livesay at Pine Cove. We have always been fascinated about marriage - the roles a husband and wife play. Throughout college we've read Wild at Heart, Captivating, Love and Respect. God made everything on purpose and he made men and women different for a reason.

The Lord God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it ... Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him." ... Then the Lord God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. - Genisis 2:15,18,22
- Man was formed from the ground for the ground and is therefore work-oriented. Woman was formed from a man, for a man; she is, therefore, relationally oriented.

How true is this? StuDoc definitely prioritizes achievements and goals, where I focus more on relationships.  Can you imagine if two people were only work-oriented or only relational. They would miss out on a lot in life. It always helps to be reminded that we were created different for a reason. Instead of trying to change eachother we should be better about listening and find a compromise. With little time that we get to spend with eachother, we don't have time to fight over silly things.

One thing we learned during this study was actually something a friend had suggested. She said that a lot of times her and her husband will end up arguing just to argue. For example, the argument can just get escalated into something bigger than it started out to be. She said, now when they can't agree on something they ask eachother on a scale from 1-10 how important is this to you? Usually, it ends up being really important to one person and not as much to the other. Maybe deciding on where christmas decorations should go, how the dishwasher should be organized, taking care of the cars, etc. I think we will quickly learn that most of the time we are fighting for something we don't really care what the outcome is. We'll notice that it quickly escalated into the crazy cycle.   It will be hard to remember in the middle of an argument to stop and ask the question how important is this to you, but it's worth the try!

Roles of the husband

to love their wives, to lead their wives, and to live with their wives

When a man leads their wife and family he must take the initiative and be engaged/involved. We actually talked about how it will be interesting with his profession how 'involved' he will actually get to be. Will this be an ongoing battle for his kids and wife to be tugging on him to spend more quality time with them or will this just have to be one of those things the family will need to accept and understand that he is busy saving lives? Having a family is just as important to my husband as it is to me. I know that this is something that he internally will struggle with. When reading other doctor's wives' blogs, a common theme is the doctor missing out on birthdays, sporting events, holidays, and get togethers. I know that this is something I will understand and eventually adjust to. But we worry about our future kids. How quickly will they understand why their dad misses their little league games? Eventually, just like every child, they will grow up and realize the sacrifices their parents made for their well-being and have more of an adult perspective looking back on their childhood.

And of course, not every doctor lives this way. Some work 8-5 Monday through Friday, some work 48 hours straight and 72 hours off, and some are just always on call. When these Student Doctors are deciding which specialty they want to go into, the life-style of each one plays a vital role for most.